Vegas Skies
by sparklylulz
Summary: She tried to ignore it. Ignore the feeling of discomfort and pain that came with the truth. She was still so in love with Jesse St. James that it physically hurt her most days. -St. Berry
1. un

**A/N: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, RYAN MURPHY, THIS IS FOR YOU. I cannot physically find it within myself to hate Jesse. I can't even not like him. EVEN THOUGH HE THREW BABY CHICKEN FETUSES ON RACHEL D: However, this is my first (and probably only) future!fic. The first chapter is until graduation, and then chapter two is graduation and onwards. I had to do SOMETHING with all the anger and pain inside of me. Personally, I will always love St. Berry.**

**The title is stolen from The Cab, and is probably my favorite romantic song, evar.**

–

_**'vegas skies'**_

_"I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not. You have to move on."_  
~ Stephen Sondheim

–

**2010.**

**Rachel.**

When she thinks back on the craziest year of her life, it has to be her sophomore year of high school. That's when everything changed for her, some good, and some bad. She had met friends that she would keep for life and discovered things about herself that she would have never seen without the glee club.

There were boys, oh god were there boys. Finn Hudson was her first true love, her first kiss, and the first boy she ever let her guard down around. He wasn't always perfect and he had more flaws than the multiplication tables could show, but she loved him for all that. Actually, if it wasn't for Finn, her entire high school existence would have been completely different. Finn, however, didn't really notice her for most of that year, and it broke her heart.

Of course there had been that train wreck of a week in November that she went temporarily insane and decided Noah Puckerman of all people was the one for her. That boy she didn't really mind losing so much, in fact, she didn't mind losing him at all.

Then there was Jesse. Jesse really didn't need an introduction, he was just Jesse. He was incredibly talented and equally beautiful, but he was just like Rachel and he never, ever let anything get in the way of his dreams. That's where he lost and that was where she lost too. She didn't like thinking about Jesse, even though he would always be the biggest thing she would remember for that year. She hated him and she admired him at the same time. She was fascinated with him.

She was used to the typical heart break that she usually suffered from at Finn's hands, but with Jesse it was something completely different. It was pain beyond anything she had ever felt before, and it was hard to pull herself back together. She was Rachel Berry and she would not let some high school crush get in her way. So she kissed Finn, and while it wasn't some magical moment, it was nice, which was all she thought she needed.

She was mistaken though, Jesse wasn't just some high school crush. She loved him and she knew that, which made it all the worse to see his face fall at Regionals after Coach Sylvester had said New Directions would be traveling to Nationals. She knew he was going to talk to her, but when Quinn went into labor, she rushed out of the crowded hall and to the hospital with the rest of her team, swearing that she didn't care about Jesse St. James.

The rest of sophomore year went the same way, glee club was thriving and she was dating Finn Hudson, for real this time, not just some spur of the moment, bi polar relationship they seemed to have always had in the past. Things were nice, stable. Finn was always a gentlemen and never would do anything to hurt her.

She didn't really feel anything anymore, though. Not after the crushing blow Jesse had dealt her, now everything was different. She tried to ignore it. Ignore the feeling of discomfort and pain that came with the truth. She was still so in love with Jesse St. James that it physically hurt her most days.

He was a senior and she knew he'd be going to UCLA whether he had Nationals under his belt or not. She wasn't sure if she was happy or sad that he'd be on the other side of the country. Maybe the longing to drive the extra fifty miles to see him would go away, or the nagging pain that refused to let her delete him from her speed dial would go away. She just wanted to be rid of him, once and for all.

However, she still ended up at Carmel High School's graduation, in the back row, her head bowed. His name was called and it was the first time she had seen him since Regionals. He looked the same, same dark hair, same beautiful mega watt smile. He was the same Jesse that she had fallen in love with and as he crossed the stage she knew he saw her. The electric current in the pit of her stomach told her to stay, but her head told her it was time to let go of him.

That summer passed in a blur of heat, vocal lessons, dancing, time in Finn's room and hanging with the glee kids. After the past school year, all of New Directions had banded together and they had even included her. It seemed like they were bonded to each other now. Quinn was different after the birth of her child, much more down to earth. She even invited Rachel over to hang out with her and Mercedes quite often.

It was the first time she can remember having real friends, and it was a wonderful and amazing feeling, but she also felt like she was missing her first real best friend. A boy that was just like her, that she could talk to about Idina Menzel and shows like The Secret Garden. A boy that was two thousand miles away. A boy that didn't matter anymore.

–

**Jesse.**

Senior year was probably the most painful year of his life. His last year in high school seemed to simply drag on forever. It was all he could do to refrain from running away to LA as soon as the semester that would change his entire life began. He was used to being a star and that was all he ever thought he'd need, but when Shelby approached him with an idea, his world would be redefined.

It wasn't really a big secret that he wasn't really into the relationship scene. Actually, he can't remember one girl he dated in high school. Most people assumed he was gay, so he'd slept with the female lead of Vocal Adrenaline, Anna, to prove that he could get chicks, he just didn't need time for them. That was a dumb move.

Girls had always found him reasonably attractive, but now they seemed to all want him. Anna was the worst, and he just needed some way to get out of it all. They were all so fake, with their fake tans and Miley Cyrus CDs; he hated it. He hated them. He hated that high school made him suffer through that hell everyday.

Then he had met her; Rachel Berry. If anyone was destined to be a star, it was that girl. Her voice could bring chills up his spine, and after watching her at Sectionals he knew. He knew that she was powerful and wonderful, and she was Shelby's. She had to be. With a voice like that, who else could be her mom? When he knew what he had to do, it kind of irritated him that it was that girl who would get hurt.

Of course, the words "UCLA scholarship" helped speed his decision right along. She was just a girl, and that was all. He wouldn't get attached and then in a few months he'd be off to his dream school, forgetting about Rachel Berry. How very wrong he was.

Rachel turned out to be a lot of things when he got to know her. She was intense, sometimes scary, and amazingly talented. However, she was also tender and really very beautiful once you could see past the crazy. She was always smiling and talking, but he liked that about her. He liked that she didn't cover her personality to be someone everyone could like.

He liked that she could sing every song from Chicago, and would give up her entire stack of autographed posters to go back in time and work with Gene Kelly. He liked that she didn't wear jeans and never got up later than six a.m. Most of all, he just liked learning everything he could about her. She was addicting.

At one point it almost felt like they could be a normal, happy couple. He forgot for a while the task assigned to him. It was so easy to just be Jesse with her, not show face Jesse St. James. He hadn't been able to be Jesse in a long time, and he hated the idea of ever having to give that up. Every time he kissed her, he could feel a tinge of regret in his stomach.

He knew that once he stepped out of the picture he would be gone forever and Finn Hudson would step in and take the girl that he didn't deserve but had always wanted him. He hated that Finn would get to spend time with Rachel, and not know who Andrew Lloyd Weber was. He hated himself most for allowing that to happen.

When he left New Directions for the first time it had been out of anger at Rachel, because no matter what he said, he did have feelings for her. He wanted her to always have feelings for him, and as she sang Total Eclipse of the Heart to him, he almost told her everything in a desperate attempt to convince her to run away with him, but he didn't. He just couldn't.

The only time he can ever remember being truly angry at Shelby was when she walked away from Rachel's life. It was like their entire relationship was for nothing. She was going to be heart broken all over again, just for no reason. He knew that she was still broken from Finn and Quinn and ten years in the hell hole of school with them, and he knew that this could be the final blow for her.

When he broke the egg over her face he wasn't lying when he told her he had loved her. He had loved her fiercely, and he had missed her every single day he was away from her. However, as he looked down at her he did not see hate, or anger, or even fear. He saw defiance and perhaps even a little pity. Her tears were not for her, but him. He hated that look, and he hated that on the way home he shed a few tears of his own.

He had hoped that would be the last time he would ever have to think of Rachel Berry, but it wasn't. He thought of her every day. Then Regionals came and he didn't want to see her, because the love he still felt for her might betray him. However, that love filled him with a faint happiness when he lost to her and Finn. She deserved the best, and she definitely deserved to win. He would still go to UCLA and he would still be without her.

The rest of the year wasn't really all that important to him. He was back to just wanting to get the hell out of there, and graduation couldn't come sooner. It was a whirlwind of black caps and blue tassels leading up to the big day when he would no longer be tied to Ohio anymore. That little voice inside of his head told him he was wrong, he would always be tied to Ohio. She was there, and as long as she remained there he would have unfinished business in Ohio.

Then he saw her, from the stage, diploma finally clasped in his hand. She was sitting in the back of the room, wearing her favorite dress, her hair falling over her shoulders. She was smiling her beautiful Rachel smile, looking right at him, and he felt his heart break a little more. Before he could make his way to her she was gone, and he felt like the only girl that would ever be right for him had finally walked out of his life.

–

**2011.**

**Rachel.**

Junior year was different than sophomore year. No longer did the kids of McKinley High's glee club have slushies thrown in their faces or deal with ridicule for their passion of music. They weren't cool kids, but they weren't at the bottom of the totem pole anymore. In fact, it was Rachel's first year of having someone to eat lunch with and people to hang out with on the weekends, barring those short months of her sophomore year.

Her relationship with Finn was ever the same, but she felt restless, like there was something that she needed that Finn wasn't giving her. She refused to give into this suspicion, because it would mean terrible things would happen. Admitting her feelings to herself would mess everything up, the entire balance she had with her life now.

That New Years she slept with Finn. He was her first kiss, so why not the boy to take her virginity, too? Honestly, she didn't find sex to be such a huge deal anymore. It was nice, it was normal. It didn't cause fireworks or anything to occur within her, but it didn't feel wrong either, and Finn seemed happy. It was easy for him, but it was a constant struggle for her.

She was always studying him, picking out things that Finn did that she didn't like, and Jesse would have never done. No matter what, some how the blue eyed boy of a year before kept haunting her, and it was starting to drive her legitimately insane.

Nationals were grueling, and they spent months trying to build the perfect routine to rival whoever they might face. With new additions to the club, it was proving to be strong. Kurt seemed to finally have moved on past Finn and on with his new boyfriend, Alex. On top of that Mercedes had also found love in a guy besides Puck, and Jaylan could sing to rival his girlfriend. The last girl was the one that seemed to be destined to ruin Rachel's life.

Talon was small, blonde, and could hit notes that could only be compared with Rachel's vocal ability. However, it was no secret that the blonde would give any thing to beat Rachel, both in glee and as Finn's girlfriend. The afternoon that Rachel caught Finn staring at the new member she decided it was time to end it.

She said that it was because their hearts weren't in it anymore, but her's had never been in it to begin with. It came as a great surprise to everyone in glee that the power couple had broken up, but more so that she seemed very unaffected by Finn's quick rebound to Talon. However, all Rachel felt was a large weight being lifted off her chest.

The alone time proved to be not in her best interests. It left her too much time to think about Jesse and everything that she had repressed for so long came surging out like a damn that had just been broken by the sea. She was suffocated by her own loneliness, and it got so bad one night that she broke down and hit his number on her speed dial only to find out that he had changed his number. She wasn't sure if she was more happy or sad about that.

It had been so long that certain parts of him were starting to fade from her memory. She couldn't remember his favorite number or cat's name, but she remembered his voice and the way it sounded with her own. She could still smell the cologne he wore, even when she was supposed to hate him, but she just couldn't.

They lost Nationals, which didn't really surprise her. The club was changing so much from the original vision of misfits banding together to form a friendship that couldn't be shaken. Now it was like they were all turning into Vocal Adrenaline and forgetting about the music that had once been the only thing that they could claim.

When that year ended, Rachel couldn't say she wasn't excited for graduation. She had been offered several scholarships; OSU, NYU, even Brown had extended a letter asking her to apply. However, none of the schools felt right to her, nothing really felt right to her. It was all Jesse St. James' fault, although he was probably having the time of his life on the other side of the country, while she ached with the grief of missing him everyday.

–

**Jesse.**

Jesse's first year in college was like a crazy, acid filled dream. California was all he could hope for. It was warm, beautiful, and filled with everything that anyone could ever want. It was like a dream come true to drive into his new life, but wishing that he could let go of his old life someday. He pushed the brunette girl to the back of his mind and he walked into the doors to his new dorm.

College was a different world than his life in Ohio. He made friends who knew every musical that had ever been on Broadway. He finally had a challenge for his talent for the first time, because he refused to think about the first person to ever challenge his talent anymore. It was just too painful for him to think about anymore.

It didn't take long for him to make his mark on the college. He wasn't wildly talented for no reason at all. After one try out he had landed the role of Curly in Oklahoma! He tried to tell himself the same story he had told his parents, his friends, and anyone who asked; he just loved the musical, that was what had compelled him to try out.

Truthfully, as soon as he saw the flyer he made up his mind that he would do it because it was a connection to her. The only remaining connection that he had to her, and it was probably pathetic but he needed that connection. He needed to pretend that she would know somehow and come sit front row, no matter how ludicrous it sounded.

Every night he went on that stage and performed Laurey's dream ballet sequence with Curly, all he could see was Rachel Berry and all of her gold stars and bright dreams. Each time it caused him pain because he knew that someone that amazing didn't deserve any of what he had done. Each time he danced on that stage he remembered how much he loved her with a fresh amount of pain, as if he were ripping open a new wound every night.

He missed her more than he admitted to anyone. That was why he never went out with any of the girls that offered themselves up to him. He had no time or care for their affections, as there had only been one girl who had ever truly caught his eye and made him desire a relationship. That girl was far away now, too busy hating him to actually want him.

He had heard through his old connections at Carmel High that they had lost Nationals. It was puzzling matter as to why she would allow them to lose. From what he had gathered she had also broken up with Finn, which was a topic of high gossip. She was unaffected and he tried to crush the hope that maybe, just maybe, she still thought of him.

On the night of his final performance of Oklahoma!, he tried to get rid of the disappointment at the fact that she had not come to one of his shows. It was crazy to think she would, she lived in Ohio, but he still had hoped that she would be there. It was summer again, though, and he was headed back to Ohio again.

He only caught one glimpse of her all summer. She was reading on a park bench, her eyes focused on her book, a soft hum falling from between her lips. She looked different, her hair was shorter and she seemed to had lost some weight. She was still beautiful, and it was almost painful for him to look at her now. She would be a senior this year and the thought of her leaving Ohio, where he could never see her again was too painful to contemplate.

As he watched her all he could see was egg dripping down her face and a look of pain he never knew anyone could show. He hated himself more than she could ever hate him, so he needed to leave, he needed to forget, he just didn't know how to anymore.

–

**2012.**

**Rachel.**

Senior year came in a blur. It was finally the end of her suffering in Lima, Ohio. She was ready to be a star and break out of that town that held so many horrible memories. Memories of slushies, stained shirts and egg running down her face. Memories of a boy that she had tried to forget, a boy that she hoped she could outrun by moving away.

By her senior year Jesse St. James had become a distant memory for New Directions, just another obstacle in their way to fame. However, Rachel felt like the memory Jesse was as fresh as it had been the night she washed egg out of her perfectly styled hair. She hated that he just wouldn't go away, it wasn't fair.

Only one shocking thing had happened senior year and that had been Santana and Brittany running off to Massachusetts to tie the knot. Apparently that didn't mean they couldn't sleep with other men, it just meant they were together for good. Everyone had congratulated them after a good ten minutes of shocked silence.

Everyone in glee had changed so much from when they first walked, (and rolled), in the door to the first auditions. Quinn was much kinder now; Mercedes wasn't always so angry; Kurt finally felt comfortable with who he was; Finn had finally discovered who he really was; Artie was no longer affected by his wheel chair; and Tina wasn't afraid to voice her opinion anymore.

The four years of high school had transformed everyone and now they were going to set off into the world, because after the pain and ridicule that had made them stronger because of glee, they could face anything with no fears and no regrets.

Kurt was going to NYU to study fashion, while Mercedes would be there to study accounting. Santana had gotten accepted at Brown and was studying pre-law. Puck and Finn would both head to OSU on basketball scholarships, while Matt and Mike had been accepted to Berkley for dancing. Brittany had already been recruited into a back up dancing crew for Beyonce, and Tina would be heading off to Duke with Artie to study medicine. Rachel didn't really know where she was going until she received a letter in the mail that changed her entire life.

The logo for UCLA was burnt into her memory, as it had been on everything Jesse owned. The letter was telling her they had seen her at Nationals and would give her a full ride. As she read the letter she knew that was where she belonged. The decision to go there had been made before she even closed the mailbox. It was far away from Ohio, and it was where he was. She thought it was pathetic, but she needed to be close to him somehow, and if this was it, she'd take it.

She was made valedictorian to the surprise of no one. That meant she'd be giving the speech, and for once she had no idea what to say. Those people had tortured her for four years, so what was she to say to them?

The day of graduation began bright and early, it was warm and muggy in June. She was there a good hour early, as she had to get ready to give her speech. Before she could really know what was happening everyone was seated and she could see her fathers waving to her, then she was on stage.

"High school is time of great change, of learning, and of becoming who we are destined to be. Soon we will set out into this huge and exciting world, and as we do we will fall into the molds of who we're going to be which we have been shaping over the past four years. We have worked so hard to get to this moment. Some of us will leave with regrets, and some will leave with second chances. We have all seen the light and dark of the world, and even though our chapter has closed here, we will never truly be forgotten. Because, we will remember us, as we are right now. Those of us who have wanted, hesitated, and been unsure, now is our moment. All the things we've held back from, we must not be scared to accept those challenges and face those fears." She said quickly, her voice not faltering once. It was almost as if she were acting this out.

"I would like to say lastly, that from this moment forward, we are stepping into our futures. This is the day we slaved for, dreamt of, and yet never thought would arrive. Well, seniors of '12, we made it. We're free. It has been an honor to travel through this journey with every single one of you." As she closed her statement she could hear her fellow glee clubbers cheer for her while she moved out of the way for the graduates to receive their diplomas. As she walked off stage she saw a flash of black in the bleachers and before she could believe what she was seeing, Jesse St. James was standing.

She wouldn't let him get away though, she couldn't let him leave without speaking to him, just once. He knew she was coming, but he did not move. He stood looking at her, and it was almost like he had been waiting on this moment since they had last met.

"What.. Why are you here?" She asked, while she drank in every feature of his beautiful face. He was older, and tanner, it seemed that California had done that to him.

He cocked an eyebrow as he looked at her, just like old times when he was amused by her, and she suddenly lost the ability to breathe as she looked back at him. He then smiled at her and it was a beautiful sight to see, even though it made her heart ache.

"You came to my graduation, I thought it only fair to be at yours." His voice was just as magical as it had always been, and she could do nothing but stare at him as he smiled at her.

"What are your plans now?" He asked softly, and there was a clear pain in his voice that she couldn't understand.

"I'm leaving Ohio. I'm leaving my memories behind." She said softly, her voice breaking as the hurt of seeing him again crashed down upon her. All she could do was turn from him and walk away, tears falling onto her gown, leaving Jesse St. James behind her.

–

**Jesse.**

College went smoothly his sophomore year, in fact he had already had several calls from agents who had seen his performance in _Oklahoma!_ He just didn't want to ditch college to chase after something that might not be worth it, so he stayed in school.

When the end of his sophomore year in college came he knew what she was doing. She was graduating, and she would be moving off to another school, somewhere he couldn't ever find her again, not that he even deserved to find her again. He wished he could find out where she was going.

That was how he ended up driving across the country to Lima, Ohio, a place that haunted him for over two years. Yes he was going back to her for the first time in two years. However, she had been at his graduation, and he decided he owed her the favor of being there for her. It was like an unspoken bond that they do this for each other.

He arrived just on time, he heard her introduced as _Rachel Barbra Berry_, a show name if he had ever heard one. She didn't seem nervous, although he couldn't really think of time that she had ever been truly nervous. Perhaps before they had almost had sex. The thought of her having sex brought a wave of unfriendly thoughts to his mind and he couldn't bring himself to think about anyone else touching her.

Then she opened her mouth and began to speak and it was like someone had woken him up for the first time. The passion and the pain in her voice was raw and real as he watched her speak to her fellow classmates. Everything that she spoke was the truth. She was elegant and beautiful from where he could see her.

Then she was off the stage, diploma in her hand, a bright smile lining her tan face. That was when her eyes flashed to him and he knew that he had been spotted. Her eyes didn't leave his as she approached him, and he was reminded vividly of that day two years ago that she had run at him with such trust in her eyes. Her face held no happiness or sadness, it was blank. When she reached him she took him in for a moment.

"What.. Why are you here?" Her voice was strong as she looked at him, and he smiled at her curiousness. She had not stormed away from him, so that was something.

"You came to my graduation, I thought it only fair to be at yours." He said quietly, because it was the honest truth of the moment. When she didn't respond he knew it was now or never.

"What are your plans now?" He asked a little desperately, and she just looked at him for a moment. Then he saw something in her face change, a spasm of pain ran across her features.

"I'm leaving Ohio. I'm leaving my memories behind." She said in a broken, small voice as she looked at him once more before turning away from him and walking away.

It was pain, so much pain, but she was smart to walk away from him. He had done nothing but hurt her for so long that he could not blame her for wanting to rid herself of him. He, too, turned and walked away from where he was standing, wondering if that would be the last time he ever saw Rachel Berry, and silently praying it wouldn't be.


	2. deux

**A/N: Look, I know it's been like a week since I updated, I KNOW. I just can't face that J. Groff isn't going to be on Glee after tonight. (Don't even get me started on how upset I am that season one is over in less than four hours.) I've been coping, but now I am back with the second, and final installment of Vegas Skies. Then I think I might write some HP to set the mood for the theme park :D However, as per usual with me, this has a happy ending that I think Rachel deserves, and Jesse too ;) THANK YOU SO MUCH for your awesome feedback :)**

**Oh yeah, I don't know ANYTHING about UCLA, so keep that in mind as you read this.**

**This chapter is written differently than the last, as Rachel and Jesse interact a lot more so there's no need for both POVs. **

–

_**'vegas skies'**_

_'__All of these guards they stand tall and defensive  
Putting up walls around what once was innocent  
They won't let me in, but I'm stronger than that  
'Cause you stole my eyes and I've never looked back'_

_-_The Cab

–

**2012.**

**Fall.**

When she walked away from him that spring she fully intended on never seeing him again. She also lied to herself saying that she was only going to UCLA because of the arts program, that she had no desire to bump into him there. So when she packed her suitcases and her fathers kissed her goodbye at the gate to her plane, she felt like she was stepping into a new life, one free from Jesse St. James.

He had left Ohio the night of her graduation to go back to school, and spend his entire summer in California forgetting about her. It was time he got over her, she was gone from his life and he would never meet her again. He was finally free, and he had never felt worse. Her words filled his mind like a song played on repeat. '_I'm leaving my memories behind.'_ He knew she meant she was leaving him behind. He guessed he deserved it.

Her first sight when she stepped off the plane in LA was the bright sun light streaming in all of the windows. It was hot out and Rachel smiled her first real smile in years. She loved this climate, and she was happy that she had left cold, drafty Ohio behind. She collected her three suitcases quickly, and let the sun hit her face as she stood in the line for a taxi.

UCLA was much as she had expected; big, beautiful and full of people for early August. There were girls in bikinis and boys without shirts. She could literally smell the tanning lotion on the air and she hurriedly pushed her bags to her dorm complex, where she found the halls crowded with people and their parents. With a pang she realized that she was looking for him, half hoping that she would see him standing at a vending machine or carrying a suitcase. She shook her head violently, as if that would be enough to keep thoughts of him at bay.

When she entered her dorm she found a very basic room. Two beds, two desks, two chairs and two dressers. Her roommate had already been there, because her side of the room was completely decorated. Rachel spotted posters from both Wicked and Chicago, and decided she could probably get along with this girl. As she was unpacking her clothes she heard the door open and stood up as a tall blond walked into the room.

"Hey, you must be Rachel." The girl said, her hand outstretched and Rachel nodded. Rachel had only seen one girl as beautiful as the one standing in front of her and that had been Quinn Fabray. This girl was tall, thin, blond haired and blue eyed. It was almost painful to look at how beautiful she looked compared to Rachel.

"I'm Victoria, but most people call me Tori." She smiled, and Rachel smiled back, deciding that her roommate seemed half sane.

"You a freshman?" Tori asked and Rachel nodded, "Oh, I'm a sophomore. You'll love it here, especially the theatre, I expect you'll be trying out for our production of Spring Awakening this year?" Rachel's eyes lit up at the word theatre.

"Oh most definitely, I have always felt a certain pull to the character of Wendla." Rachel said brightly, and Tori smiled back. The door opened once more and Tori grinned even more.

"That's my best friend, you've got to meet him! He was helping me carry in my bags." She said quickly rushing to the door, and Rachel turned expectantly.

"Yeah, well, you're lucky you have a friend as gracious and talented as I am." It was that damn voice, the one she had tried so hard to not want to hear anymore. After a moment the face that came with voice came into the room.

It was like everything froze between the two. Rachel dropped the towels in her arms and he just looked at her. She was here, she was at UCLA, she was where she knew he would be. Her hair was shorter, and she was not wearing knee socks, skirts or weird animal embroidered sweaters. She was in shorts and a tee shirt, and she looked normal to him. He was the one who looked the same, same dark clothes, same beautiful face that she still longed to touch.

"Rachel," He breathed softly, and Rachel was broken out of the transfixed gaze she seemed to have with him, and she looked down to her suitcase. Tori just watched the two with curiosity.

"_This_ is Rachel? _The_ Rachel?" She asked, looking to Jesse, who just nodded at her. "Well this is awkward." She said, smiling a little. Rachel looked to Jesse once more before turning to leave the room.

She had never felt so stupid. What had she expected? To never see him? She had come to this college because that was where he was. She had wanted to see him so badly she had flown to California, but now she wasn't really sure what to do. He looked perfect, the exact same boy she had fallen in love with. The same boy she was still in love with.

He sighed, and muttering an apology to Tori, he left. This was going to be harder than he had expected. Why had she come to UCLA? He had told her that was where he was going, but yet she was here. He tried not to feel hope swell inside of him as he thought of the prospect of seeing her, and possibly even working with her. He left her dorm building, trying to tell himself that he wasn't overjoyed at seeing her again.

Rachel spent a lot of time avoiding her dorm room when the semester started, spending all of her time in the library reading. She was happy with her classes and the overall feel of college. She didn't need to fear slushies anymore or harsh comments or anyone calling her 'Berry.' She was a new person and there was only one link to her old life there. He just wouldn't go away, and that made it impossible for her feelings for him to go away.

Then she saw the bulletin announcing Spring Awakening try outs and she knew that she would hate herself forever if she didn't go after it. She spent two weeks perfecting her vocal range, ensuring that she would be given the part of Wendla. It was the first step towards fame and Broadway for her, and she'd be damned if she let Jesse St. James stand in the way of Broadway.

When she showed up she was the third person in line for the part of Wendla. She spent the thirty minutes leading up to her audition in silent anticipation, then a short girl called her name from the front of the room and she entered the theatre.

"Okay, Rachel Berry?" Rachel nodded once, "You'll be trying out for Wendla opposite Jesse St. James who will be playing Melchior." Rachel felt her breath catch as she saw him on stage, and she thought about running for one desperate moment before regaining control and remembering Broadway was much more important.

He began, guiding her as he always had. When it came to love, sex, friendship, and being a star; he was always her guide, and here he stood in front of her again.

"_Please..." _His voice was desperate and she knew where to begin.

"_There's a storm coming, you know." _She said gently, slowly approaching him, _"You can't sit, sulking in a hayloft."_

"_Out." _He said forcefully, but she continued to walk towards him.

"_Everyone's at church, rehearsing." _She said gently and he remained on all fours, not looking at her.

"_Your friend, Mortiz, is absent. They say he's been missing all day." _She said quickly, and his eyes flashed to hers.

"_Yes, well, go away. Please." _He said, pain entering his voice.

"_I have your journal, you left it the other day_._"_ She said gently, moving closer to him, and he finally looked her full in the face.

"_Just leave it." _He said, and she sat down right next to him, not sure if she loved or hated the feeling of being close to him.

"_I'm sorry about what happened, and I understand why you'd be angry at me." _She said, the irony filling her, as she looked up at him. He was not looking at her, but looking down in shame.

"_We were confused."_ He said gently, and she looked at him.

"_But, it was my fault-" _She protested and he shook his head softly.

"_It was me. All me. Something in me started, when I hit you."_ He said sadly, and she suddenly became very aware of what a good actor he was.

"_Something in me, too..." _Her voice hitched, and she came closer to him still.

"_No more! You should go!" _He exclaimed suddenly, making her jump a little, but she did not move, she simply looked back at him and he still did not face her. She could feel the chemistry between them, and it was like they were the only two in the room. She laid a hand on his warm shoulder.

"_Won't you come out to the meadow? You can't sit sulking in a dark, stuffy hayloft. We can run through the rain. And, if we get soaked to the skin, what do we care?"_ She said desperately, longing for him to look at her, and finally he turned and Jesse St. James stared at her full in the face.

"_It was me, all me." _She said quietly, and he shook his head before sitting up, and she looked up at him. She knew what was coming next. She wrapped both her arms around him as she sat up higher, pulling his head against her chest.

He sighed against her, and it was almost just like old times. He closed his eyes against her as he began to speak.

"_I hear your heart beat, Wendla" _He said gently against her, and she loosened her grip on him so that he could pull her up, and she gazed at him.

"_Oh, Melchi- I, I don't know-" _But he cut her off suddenly, pulling her against his warm and comforting chest. She had missed his embrace so much that it hurt her.

"_No matter where I am, I hear it beating."_ He spoke, and she could feel the vibrations in his chest along with with his heart beat.

"_And I hear yours_._"_ She said softly, the truth behind her words evident as she looked up at him.

"And scene!" The director called from the audience. The two broke apart reluctantly, and Rachel stood shakily to face the director.

"You and Jesse have a startling amount of chemistry, Ms. Berry." The short woman said, giving Rachel an appraising eye. Rachel smiled shakily, and when she was given her cue began to sing "Mama Who Bore Me."

At the end of the audition Rachel felt that if her vocal ability had not won her the role, then her chemistry with Jesse certainly had. She wasn't sure how she felt about going after a role where she would be practically stripping in front of Jesse every night, but she was going to do it simply for her dreams. It had nothing to do with her feelings for him. Denial never had looked good on her.

Jesse was still in a daze from how amazing it felt to work with her again, to have her in his arms, and he knew that she had landed the role. It was almost as if they had stepped into the Twilight Zone, but he could not suppress his happiness of being able to see her nearly everyday, and maybe someday working his way back into her heart.

It came as no surprise a week later when she received a phone call telling her she had been cast as Wendla opposite Jesse St. James. It was exciting and infuriating at the same time. Why did it seem that she always had to share everything with him?

Their first rehearsal came and went. It was odd, she thought, because when they were on stage everything that had ever happened between them disappeared, and it was just like they were in their element. They knew each other better than anyone else, and so their acting together was flawless. As soon as the practice was over, however, they went back to feeling awkward around each other. Both hated it more than they cared to admit.

Opening night was a blur of make up, microphones, adrenaline, and applause. Rachel had never known what it to truly feel like a star, but as she stood on stage, watching every single member of the audience on their feet, she beamed. It had been an amazing performance; every single member of the cast was in top form.

"Hey, Rachel?" She turned at the sound of Jesse's soft voice. She was not embarrassed to look at him after nearly having sex with him on stage anymore, they were both very used to that.

"Yes, Jesse?" She said curiously, and he stepped towards her.

"You wanna get a cup of coffee?" He asked, and she sized him up for a moment before smiling.

"I'd love to." She whispered back gently.

–

**2013.**

**Spring.**

With spring came a new friendship for Rachel Berry and Jesse St. James. They had pushed past their high school memories, although neither had forgotten them. They had a hard time trusting each other, but they both wanted it so badly that they fought for it, and out of that they became the best of friends anyone could hope for.

Except they both hoped for more. Jesse wanted the love of his life back, and Rachel just wanted to be able to love him in peace this time. No more glee clubs, no Finn Hudsons, no obstacles in their paths. She just couldn't bring herself to say the words, because as much as she hated it, she could still see Jesse standing in front of her, and egg running all over her face.

Jesse hadn't forgotten that memory either, and it compelled him to spend all of his time making it up to her. They were almost inseparable, only parting when she went to class, or when they had to bathe. Most of the time she stayed in his apartment, watching movies with him or studying. Sometimes they sang together, and it was like old times.

"You know, you might as well start paying rent." He had said to her one night as she sat on his couch, reading her literature book.

She threw him a withering look, "I can always leave." She said, and he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, whatever, you know you can't resist my presence." He said over dramatically, placing a hand to his forehead and pretending to faint on the couch next to her.

"Oh, shut up, St. James." She laughed, slapping his stomach, while she tried to hide the blush that plainly said she in fact could not resist him.

On their last night of Spring Awakening, both became very aware what this meant. They had spent so much time working on this play, and now it it would be over, and they wouldn't have to see each other. She didn't want to let go of him, and he couldn't stand the thought of losing her ever again.

After the final note, they all ran onstage to link hands, and she was crying before she could really realize it. Jesse just pulled her into his chest, and held her there while they all bowed, and as they walked back stage, his arm was still wrapped around her shoulders, and he pulled her out into the warm night air.

She could hear every noise from the city as she stood in the parking lot of the theatre building. She was in her normal clothes, with her hair done like Wendla, she was sure she was a sight to see. He stood beside her, his eyes closed as the breeze hit his face. He took her hand in his for the first time, and she looked at him in surprise.

"I have something for you." He said gently, and he pulled her to his car. He reached inside and pulled out a bouquet of pink roses. She smiled up to him.

"I know they're your favorites, and I thought you deserved them after the past few months." He said softly, and she smiled at him.

"Thank you, Jesse. They are so beautiful." She sighed and he looked to her, she suddenly knew what was coming, and she finally felt ready to face it.

To face him.

"Are we going to finally talk about it?" She asked softly, and he looked at her quickly, his hands were shaking slightly as he looked up at her. For the first time she could remember, she saw fear in his eyes. She wished she could understand.

"I think we need to. I can't stand it anymore." He said, shame lining his every syllable.

"Jesse, all I ever wanted to know was what I did. Why did I deserve it?" She asked gently, and he stared at her incredulously.

She thought it was her fault? Why did that not surprise him? That was just like Rachel, to assume the worst in herself before him. It was always his fault, just like it was all Melchior's fault in the play they had both just left. He would be haunted by it forever, but he knew that if she could forgive him that someday he could forgive himself.

She was looking at him with the same expression she had worn that day. Her dark eyes held such a sadness that it physically hurt him to look into them. He resolved himself to do so, however, and gazed back at her.

"You? You never did anything." He said simply.

This did nothing but irritate her as she looked at him. His blue eyes were focused on her, and she could see the honesty behind his words, but she still couldn't understand. All she had ever wanted was to be able to understand.

"I don't understand! Why then!" She asked, more loudly than she had intended and he threw his hands up in surrender. He quickly ran one hand through his hair as he looked at her.

"I was leaving in a month, and even if you said it wouldn't matter, I knew the distance would kill you." He said angrily as he looked at her, and he began pacing, his disgust with himself obvious.

"So it was easy? I meant that little to you?" She asked, tears springing to the corners of her eyes as she gazed back at him in defiance.

He froze and looked at her, a look of shock lining his handsome features as he tried to regain control of himself. He took a step towards her, and he placed his hand under her chin, pushing her face up to look at him.

"I was selfish, and I was cruel. But don't you dare think you never meant anything to me." He said vehemently as he stared back at her. He looked up at him, but before she could say anything he spoke again, a little more calmly.

"You meant so, so much to me. I didn't deserve you, and I still don't." His voice was only filled with sadness now as he looked at her. She hated that look, she hated that he was upset, and she hated that she was helpless to stop it.

"Trust me, you will never hate me more than I hate myself." He said softly. He let her go, and hung his head in shame once more, and she was strongly reminded of the scene that they performed every night. The pain in his eyes came back and she stepped towards him.

"I don't hate you. I can't even see myself hating you." She smiled at him, now placing her hand under his chin and forcing him to look at her. "You are so much like me, I guess I just always understood why everything happened." She said gently, and he just stared at her. She had forgiven him, even though he would never deserve it.

Then it was like a dam that had been threatening to break for nearly three years had finally broken, and Jesse had her in his arms and she had placed her lips firmly against his, not caring that it didn't make sense, nor caring that she was supposed to hate him. She would never be able to hate him, so she refused to try any longer.

He responded with enthusiasm, his face breaking into a smile as he kissed her back. They broke apart after a few minutes, panting.

"I've wanted to do that since your graduation." He said quietly, placing his lips against her forehead as she leaned into him.

Everything was finally right, back to how it was supposed to be. There would never be another person in the world for her, and it sounded ridiculous, but she was almost positive that Jesse St. James was her soulmate.

"You know what everyone from high school will say, don't you?" He asked, as they walked to his dorm from the parking lot, her head on his shoulder, hand in hand.

"What?" She asked, looking up to him.

"They'll all say you're an idiot for being with me again." He said softly, looking down at her. She froze and turned on the spot to look at him.

He had never looked more beautiful. She pushed a stray piece of hair from his face as she leaned in to kiss his lips gently.

"Then they clearly haven't ever been in love with you." She said softy, returning to his side and allowing him to lead her home.


End file.
